Here Are My Opinions on 10 Things: 

Rosario Dawson:

Sourdough Bread: 

It's actually bad. 

Weddings: 

Sometimes I think about her and Beyonce kissing.

The Conversation the Men Behind me at this cafe are having about how they miss chasing girls in college: 

Fergie's Solo Career: 

Couples on HGTV: 

Why won't they trust the designer? Do they think this is Joanna & Chip's first Fixer Upper?

It's getting assault-y. 

INVITE ME TO YOUR WEDDING, PLEASE

Look, music peaked in 2006 with Fergie's solo career and the song Promiscuous. 

Death:

Your Ex: 

Boring. 

Your ex is a diarrhea milkshake. Do NOT get back together. 

Rascal Flatt's "Life Is A HighWay": 

One time I listened to this song on accident while I was masturbating and now it makes me horny. 

Jokes About Kale: 

Fucking stop. At least be more creative. Say arugula. Say anything else. This stopped being funny in 2008. 

© 1998 by Dwayne The Rock Johnson.